When We Cannot “Fix” Someone - by Missy Morgan

The following is a portion of a talk that one of our service missionaries wrote and shared with me. With her permission, I wanted to share it with you this week.

When we cannot “fix” someone - by Missy Morgan

The Savior’s mortal ministry was filled with love, compassion, and empathy. He did not flinch at the sight of sinners. He did not dodge them in horror. Instead, He ate with them. He helped them, blessed them, lifted and edified them. 

Elder Uchtdorf said, “We are important to God not because of our résumé but because we are His children. He loves every one of us, even those who are flawed, rejected, awkward, sorrowful, or broken. God’s love is so great that He loves even the proud, the selfish, the arrogant, and the wicked.”

We had an experience this fall that taught me a lesson about the love He has for all of His children. We have a daughter named Cheylee. She has had a rough life, mostly due to her own poor choices. She had been living in Utah for the past 2 or so years. In the middle of August, she called in a panic to tell us she was coming home. When she got home, she was thin and a mess. What we found out was that she had been addicted to meth for the past year. My first reaction was to be mad at her. I couldn’t understand how she could do this to herself. I spent the first week she was home being mad at her and the world. It was hard to live with her, her outbursts, her mean comments etc. etc. All that goes along with an addict.

One morning as I said my prayers and began to complain to Heavenly Father once again, I said to Him that I couldn’t do this. That it was too hard. I proceeded to tell Him that she was His daughter, and He should fix her. As I knelt there crying into my pillow a quiet voice said to me “she is yours too”. “Your job is to love her, not to fix her. That is my job.”

Emily Belle Freeman writes in her book, “So often we want to help by fixing, finding the solution, or solving the problem. Sometimes we do not have the knowledge or capacity to resolve the problem.” This was the case with our daughter. We did not have the knowledge or capacity to fix her. Our job was to love her and bring her to the One who could heal her. Once that prayer was over, my mindset changed, my life changed and my feelings toward her and my Savior changed. 

This reminds me of the story in the New Testament of the 4 friends who brought their sick friend to see Jesus. It was so crowded that they took him to the top of the roof, cut a hole and lowered him in to see the Savior. Consider the true intent of these friends. They did not have the capacity to heal him. As his friends, their only responsibility was to bring him to Jesus, the only One who could heal him.

This is our responsibility as well. When the Savior says to love our neighbor, He is simply asking us to walk with them, lift their burdens, be a friend, give a smile, a compliment and show compassion. Our job is not to judge who needs our love and compassion, our job is to journey with those in need and bring them to the true Healer.

Scripture references

Luke 5:18-25

18 ¶ And, behold, men brought in a bed a man which was taken with a palsy: and they sought means to bring him in, and to lay him before him.

19 And when they could not find by what way they might bring him in because of the multitude, they went upon the housetop, and let him down through the tiling with his couch into the midst before Jesus.

20 And when he saw their faith, he said unto him, Man, thy sins are forgiven thee.

21 And the scribes and the Pharisees began to reason, saying, Who is this which speaketh blasphemies? Who can forgive sins, but God alone?

22 But when Jesus perceived their thoughts, he answering said unto them, What reason ye in your hearts?

23 aWhether is easier, to say, Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Rise up and walk?

24 But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power upon earth to forgive sins, (he said unto the sick of the palsy,) I say unto thee, Arise, and take up thy couch, and go into thine house.

25 And immediately he rose up before them, and took up that whereon he lay, and departed to his own house, glorifying God.

26 And they were all amazed, and they glorified God, and were filled with fear, saying, We have seen strange things today.