What’s on your mind?
I enjoy running outside in all kinds of weather because it is a quiet time for me to contemplate and think. Many years ago, a close friend of mine accused me of something for which I had no part, and she wouldn’t believe otherwise so our friendship ended. My hurt quickly turned to anger, and I remember going on a run and thinking about the injustice. This pattern repeated itself for several days and it wasn’t long before I had developed the habit of spending my whole run thinking about all the people in my life who I thought were unfair to me. The effect was noticeable. Rather than coming home refreshed from my runs, I would be defensive and angry as I interacted with my family, but I felt justified in my behavior. Soon my running became a chore to me, and my family life suffered.
Thankfully during this period, I was reading the book called “The Hiding Place.” It is a true story about a Jewish woman, named Corrie Ten Boom, who was able to forgive her German persecutors after her family had been annihilated in concentration camps. It showed her healing and how she was able to live a happy and fulfilling life because she learned to forgive others. I thought of my life in comparison and I felt shame and embarrassment because this new perspective made me realize that my behavior was ridiculous. I needed to forgive the offenses of others and stop dwelling on the negative. During my next run I tried to think of only good positive things ---but surprisingly, I couldn’t! It shocked me because I had little control over my negative thoughts. I had unknowingly created a bad habit that was difficult to break and so I started to pray daily for the ability to forgive and change my thought patterns. My shift did not happen overnight but soon I was enjoying my runs and my family life was positive again.
This was an important experience for me because I learned that I choose what I think about so I need to be mindful of what that is because if I am not careful, my perspective can become distorted. Preach My Gospel chapter 6 states this well. It says:
“Virtue is a pattern of thought and behavior based on high moral standards. We are told to focus on righteous, uplifting thoughts. Put unworthy thoughts out of your mind rather than dwell on them.”
“Your mind is like a stage in a theater. If you allow unwholesome thoughts to linger on the stage of your mind, you are more likely to sin. If you actively fill your mind with wholesome things, you are more likely to embrace what is virtuous and shun what is evil. Be wise about what you allow to enter and remain on the stage of your mind.”
I have learned that I need to ask myself if I am spending a lot of time thinking about things that make me feel angry, frustrated, and sad, or about things that make me feel empowered, happy, and loved. I also need to be mindful not to ruminate upon my doubts or criticisms – of myself or others. This destructive thought pattern can actually distort a person’s reality, like it did for me because it caused me to place my grudges and hurt in front of my more important personal relationships. The same can happen if I actively dwell upon the mistakes of church leaders. If I am not careful, I run the risk of inadvertently allowing my frustration with some to overcome my testimony and relationship with my Savior. This would be self-destructive and only cause deep regret.
I love how this concept is so positively taught in the following scripture:
D&C 121: 45-46
45 Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distill upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.
46 The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion, and thy scepter an unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth; and thy dominion shall be an everlasting dominion, and without compulsory means it shall flow unto thee forever and ever.
President Nelson has spoken repeatedly about forgiveness, and has plead with us to end personal conflict, to free ourselves from a grudge that we may be harboring and to forgive someone who has wronged us. He said that not forgiving others is like poison for us and that grudges weigh us down. His beautiful 5 minute Easter message about the benefits of forgiving others can be found here to enjoy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Cv5sBnmGGw
